I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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