Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
