I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
