Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
