Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
