he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
