So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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