Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
