as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
