this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
