Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
