Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
