I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
