you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
