On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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