Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
