y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i will never coherently bang her
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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