Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Welp...herpes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
