Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
