real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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