o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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