your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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