The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
