is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
