I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
