why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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