i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
