so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
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They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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