And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
