plz talk dirty to me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
