Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
