Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Drunk is not a location!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
