alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
