just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
