Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We left an ass print on the piano.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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