All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
