I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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