Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
