This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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