My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
