first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
