you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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