Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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