when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
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he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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