I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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