dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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