He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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