wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
