I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
