but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We left an ass print on the piano.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
