So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They took my balls.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
