he wants to bone in the snuggie
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
