maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
