just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
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we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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