woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
