Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
