You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
