Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
