After last night, I could never be a politician.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
