I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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