So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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