Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
