Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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