my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
