hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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