Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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