she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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