ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
