There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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