i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
