Will you blow on my dice?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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