so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
