His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
