I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
