Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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