omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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