Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
