so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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