Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
