My brain says no but my pants say off.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
