Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Randomize
