so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
