VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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